I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
