he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
