I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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