Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
