Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
