if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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