My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
