you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize