she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Still dying that you shit outside
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
ok first of all what the fuck
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
