We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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