rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
