Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
