i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
