Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
