He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
