under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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