sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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