Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
