I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's the barista slut.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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