Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
