so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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