if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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