My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
