dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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