Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
