I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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