Swine flu. Run for my life!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
