You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
