the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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