I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize