do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
