Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I had to cum in my sink.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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