The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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