i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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