meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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