whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
MIDGETS
????
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
