He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
