So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
