overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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