I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am available for nakedness
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize