You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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