The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize