16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
