I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Randomize
