remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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