Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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