WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
