thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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