you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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