Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
