Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
