In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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