Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
