Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
