and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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