Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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