so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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