he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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