the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
