I'm eating all of the evidence.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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