Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
