Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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