remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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