I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
