I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
