Yo dont text me then not text me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize